Norse mythos doesn't tend to look favorably on incest, but that doesn't stop the gods from indulging in it a whole lot. One particular goddess, Signy, was certainly guilty of this faux pas. She was due to marry Siggeir, whom she really didn't like at all because he was puny and annoying. Siggeir only continued to be a terrible husband, as he killed her father and all of her siblings except for one. That one was named Sigmund, and together he and Signy plotted to kill her husband.

Signy's current two sons proved to be completely incompetent in killing Siggeir, so she figured she needed to get better, more family-friendly help. To do this, she slept with her brother Sigmund for three nights to create a stronger warrior, and to continue the family bloodline.

This son seemed to know what he was doing and eventually killed Siggeir and all of his offspring. This son's name was Sinfiotli, because apparently these folks really liked names that start with "Si."

 

 

Kvasir is Killed By Dwarves, Who Turn Him Into Mead and Poetry 

 

Kvasir's birth alone is a pretty weird story. The gods had just won a war and wanted to celebrate, so they all chewed berries, spat them out, and fermented them to create an alcohol. Except, the fermented berries became a person instead, and that person was named Kvasir, which basically translates to "fermented berry juice."

Weirder still, this alcohol god was also the smartest god who ever existed. He liked imparting wisdom to whomever he met, and traveled extensively to do to. One day he came upon two dwarves with whom he tried to share his worldly knowledge.

 

Instead of listening, as they probably should have, the dwarves killed him and drained his blood. From that, they created a special mead that made the drinker quite poetic. In fact, this mead was supposedly the birth of all poetry. So at least he didn't die in vain.  

 

 

Loki Fathers a Lot of Little Monsters - Literally 

 

Just in general, Loki sleeps around and fathers a lot of babies. You already know he was mother, somehow, to Slepnir, but he was also father to other strange and confusing creatures, in particular with one woman. Loki once slept with a giantess named Angrboda, and she became pregnant with three children.

One would think that these children would be part god and part giant, but would look pretty humanoid in general. This was not the case. Upon giving birth, Angrboda saw that her children were a massive snake, a giant wolf, and a young woman who was half alive and half dead. The two beasts have their own strange stories, but the girl, who was named Hel, probably got the best deal out of the lot.

The gods kidnapped Loki's kids and sent Hel to the afterlife, Nifilheim, to look after the honored dead and to take care of them. Once there, she built a massive hall and became a pretty decent, if not greedy, ruler.

 

Of course, she was still genuinely rotten and dead from the waist down, but considering her dad was the biggest jerk of all time, she did alright for herself. 

 

 

Clouds Look a Little Like Brains Because They're Really Giant Brains 

 

Ever notice how clouds look a little like huge brains? Well, the Norse thought there was a reason for that. According to their myths, the world was made from huge severed body parts from the giant Ymir. Upon his death, his blood was turned into the oceans, his flesh became the land, his bones became the mountains, his teeth became the rocks, his hair became the plants, and his eyelashes became the human realm called Midgard.

 

His skull was tossed high up into the air and it became the sky, which is held up in four corners by dwarves for all eternity. And the giant's brain? It too was tossed up and it became the clouds. So when you look up into the sky to watch the clouds, you're really looking up at scattered bits of giant brains - at least according to the Norse.

 

 

Thor is a Blushing Bride, and Loki is His Bridesmaid 

 

For anyone who thinks cross-dressing is a new phenomenon, think again. It once happened that a giant by the name of Thrym stole Thor's hammer and refused to give it back. He would only return the hammer under one condition: that he be allowed to marry Freyja.

Of course, no one was going to let that happen, especially Thor, so he decided to impersonate Freyja and go to marry the giant in her place. Loki loved this idea, and transformed himself into a handmaid in order to go watch all this happening.

Somehow, the giants bought the disguise, and the two managed to get Thor to the wedding feast. Through the whole feast, Thor was pretty obviously manly, especially in appetite, and the giants seemed to suspect something. Loki continually made excuses, all with underlying jokes about Thor's actual sex.

 

The moment Thor could get his hands on his hammer, he not only left the giant at the altar, he killed his would-be husband and all the guests in attendance. Probably to the great amusement of Loki.

 

 

The Gods Chain Up a Giant Wolf Using Kitten Footsteps 

 

Speaking of Loki's children, let's talk about that giant wolf, Fenrir. The gods kept Fenrir in Asgard, because they were worried he'd go destroy the entire world and eat Odin. Only one man could really deal with the wolf and that was Tyr. Eventually, the wolf grew too big and strong, and the gods knew they had to find a way to chain him up. But every time they put chains on the wolf, he would break them, so the gods would clap and cheer to convince Fenrir that they were just trying to test his strength.

The cunning dwarves, however, eventually crafted a collar made from a cat’s footsteps, the beard of a woman, the roots of stones, the breath of a fish, and the spit of a bird (all things that don't exist). When the wolf saw the collar, he was pretty reluctant, and would only put it on if one of the gods put their sword hand in his mouth as a sign of good faith.

 

The sword hand was pretty much what defined you as a man, so none of the gods would do it. Finally, Tyr, the same man who had taken care of the wolf, said he would do it. They chained the wolf, and he bit off Tyr's hand. It broke both Tyr's arm and his heart to break an oath to the wolf he'd helped raise. 

 

 

The Tree of Life Has an Unreliable Squirrel Who Loves Hatred 

 

Photo: Bob Peterson / flickr / CC-BY 2.0 

According to Norse myth, everything in creation exists on a tree of life called Yggdrasil. In the branches of this tree lives an eagle, and at the base, in the roots, is a dragon. These two creatures greatly hate each other, and it's mostly thanks to a squirrel named Ratatosk, who travels up and down the trunk. This squirrel just loves gossip, and any time the dragon mutters an insult about the eagle, the squirrel runs up and tells the eagle what has been said.

 

Then, when the eagle says something cruel in response, the squirrel runs back down to the roots to inform the dragon. Ratatosk loves the gossip so much that he'll do basically anything to keep it going, even lie. He'll even go so far as to spread unrelated gossip to the gods and others, but his main focus is keeping that hatred between the eagle and the dragon burning. It seems even the ancient Norse knew that squirrels were really dicks. 

 

 

Grendel's Mom Has Got It Going On 

 

Some people know the epic of Beowulf, a Norse hero, and how he slays Grendel. But do you know what happened after that?

Well, Grendel had a mother, who was pretty unhappy that Beowulf had killed her son. She sets about taking revenge by killing pretty much everyone she can find, and by keeping body parts as trophies. Eventually, Beowulf gets wind of this and comes looking for her. Upon seeing her son's killer, Grendel's Mother flies at him an and epic fight ensues.

Now, Grendel is supposed to be the biggest bad guy of all time, but Beowulf quickly finds that his mother is actually much harder to kill, as none of his weapons work on her. There are some weird, somewhat sexual, straddling moments during this fight as well, making the whole thing a little awkward for the hero.

 

Eventually, however, he prevails, and probably permanently remembers the phrase "never piss off a monster's mom." 

 

 

The Gods Use Baldur as a Living Target for Knife-Throwing Practice 

 

You know about Odin's son Thor, but Odin also had another son with his wife Frigg, named Baldur. All the gods really liked Baldur - well, except for Loki, but we'll get to that in a moment.

One night, Baldur started to have terrible dreams about his death, and his mom started to get worried. She went to everyone and everything in existence, including inanimate objects, and made them take an oath not to harm him. Oaths were pretty serious business, so this basically made him invincible. The gods used to make a game out of throwing random weapons and objects at Baldur, then laughing as they harmlessly bounced off. Loki, however, didn't like someone else getting the spotlight. He managed to find out that there was one thing Frigg hadn't gotten an oath from: the plant called mistletoe.

 

Straight away, he made a spear from mistletoe, and waited for the gods to play their silly weapon-throwing game again. When they did, Loki approached a god, handed him the spear and basically said, "Hey bro, throw this at him next!" The god did, and Baldur fell down, dead. The gods were stunned and horrified at what they had done, and mourned for a very long time. This was, perhaps, Loki's greatest betrayal. 

 

 

Dwarves Make Thor's Hammer Because Loki Is a Jerk

 

Now, thanks to the recent Marvel movies, we all know that Thor's hammer, Mjölnir, is pretty awesome. But how it was made is arguably even more awesome. You see, Loki, ever the trickster, decided to cut off all of Sif's hair one night. Sif just happened to be Thor's bride-to-be, so Thor was less than happy, and threatened Loki within an inch of his life. Loki promised to have the dwarves make her some amazing beautiful hair as a replacement, and Thor begrudgingly agreed. 
 
The dwarves were up to the task, but Loki just didn't know when to stop pressing his luck. He went to another set of dwarves and bet that there was no way they could create anything as awesome as those dwarves who made the hair. He even bet these dwarves his own head that they couldn't do it. Of course, the dwarves were not going to be shown up just like that, and through great hardship, they created several amazing things, including the hammer Mjölnir.
 
To silence Loki, and because they'd won fair and square, the dwarves sewed his mouth closed as punishment. Of course, this didn't keep Loki out of trouble, as you'll see in other items on this list.

 

 

The World is Only Held Together By a Really Big Snake 

 

Some may say that love holds the world together, but those people certainly aren't Norse. To them,t he world is held together by one of Loki's monster children. The giant serpent, Jörmungandr, was taken from his mother and father because there was no way the gods were going to allow a giant snake to live in Asgard. A giant wolf, sure, no problem, but not a giant snake. He was sent to the human realm of Midgard to be our problem, where he grew in size so much that he was able to circle the globe.

 

He lives in the ocean, biting his own tail, holding the Earth together, waiting for the day he can strike back against the gods. In particular, the Midgard Serpent really hates Thor, and Thor really hates him back. Which makes sense, considering that the myths say  it is the giant serpent that is destined to slay Thor come the time of Ragnarök.

 

 

Thor Goes Fishing for His Brother - with His Bare Hands  

 

After one too many tricks, Loki eventually went into hiding, living atop a hill in a house with four doors, so he could escape from any side at any time. When Odin and Thor finally came for him, Loki ran to a nearby river and transformed himself into a salmon in order to escape. His aim was to swim to the sea, and to either live there or to use it to find someplace else to live. The gods cast nets for him, but he eluded them all, and it looked like he'd make it. Unfortunately, his brother Thor wasn't going to let that happen.

 

Thor leapt into the water and fished for Loki using just his hands, and miraculously, he got ahold of him. Of course, he was just able to get the tail, which he held tightly until he was at last able to pull him out of the water. The Norse claim that this is why salmon have narrow tails, because Loki struggled so hard, and Thor held so tightly. 

 

 

Loki Accuses Freyja of Being a Major Slut in Front of Everyone 

 

Let's be clear: the Kardashians have got nothing on the drama that happens when the Norse gods get together to drink. At one such meeting, Freyja, who is known for having a chariot pulled by cats, spotted Loki hitting on a girl who clearly wasn't interested in him. Loki wasn't even really welcome there to begin with, because he'd just caused Baldur's death, so Freyja was just completely done with him.

She approached and told Loki to knock it off, because that usually ends well. Loki told her to shut up, and when she insisted, he turned on her. He then proceeded to say aloud that Freyja had slept with every single god, and some non-gods, too. He even accused her of sleeping with her own brother.

 

The thing is, he was probably telling the truth. Besides being known for cats, Freyja was also known for being kind of a party girl. Some of the other gods defended her, and they proceeded to argue all night, with Loki telling the gods that they were basically horrible people and rarely lying while doing it. Hey, sometimes the truth hurts.